before touching the door of September

yang namanya perjalanan hidup, siapa yang pernah menyangka
siapa pula yang akan tahu
tentang masa depan
yang misteri
sebagian hanya menebak
entah unsur darimana
apakah akan menjadi nyata
ataukah sekadar celoteh

3 tahun sudah berlalu
masih di tempat yang sama
hanya pertemuan yang berbeda

hingga hari ini masih tak dapat memahami
arti pertemuan
yang hampir setahun ini
hikmah dan hikmah
kata demi kata
yang kian menjadi pertanyaan besar
tertoreh di hati ini

tak dapat kumengerti
apalagi menerima

pertemuan dengannya
hingga saat ini bagaikan kertas yang menempel di dinding
bukan lagi selotip
bagaikan lem tembak di dinding begitu kuat
tak ada yang dapat menentukan kapan kertas pertanyaan yang ada sebuah nama disana akan dilepas
atau terlepas

hingga saat ini pun masih terngiang

"do you know Mr. S?"
"he's here"

her sound just like an echo in my ears

he's here
he's here
he's here

"how could I dont know?"
I was shocked, I just wrote in my notes, and I've counted how many times I've met him
and I left one, number 7th
I always telling myself "God will let me know when he's here"
it's a miracle, she never told me, I always be the one who asked her "who's coming?"
but as if Allah moves her heart to tell me

"why you telling me?when I'm the one who always asked you?"
"because you always excited when there's a guest coming"
"but after this all, this is the 1st time you telling me and it's a right person that I've been waiting for"

actually, the matters is between me and Allah
all this time I've been asking Allah
"what do you want?"
"what's hikmah/positivity behind this all?/"
"if it's positive thing and I can learn from this, why it's hurting me?"
"I feel like I'm a victim here"
"I know I'll pass this all with ease"
"in the end everything's gonna be okay"
"I'm tired"
"I've been following my heart and hope I'll let it flow, but why it's still hurt?"

the day I met him is right where I put all myself to Allah
what's wrong with this?

I need the strongest mentally to put in myself and go through all this
I can't be patience to go to the next step
where I hope there'll be so much more happiness, success
the day where I can totally forget about him
why I can't give my feeling towards someone near me that already loves me?
just because of an approval from my parents?

i'm tired.....


last year of 2015, you give me pain until now
how long will I endure this?
I'm sorry Allah, I can't be patience...
I know the answer without asking

in the end, my world is all about You (Allah) and me
and so does others

update and update

things gotten much different than we used to be

thanks to God I have someone to ask to about my laptop problem, it turns out about update, I just dont want to checking too much detail since I bought, I just know that we have to buy the original one and it will take risk if we use the crack

ah it's really different, ten years ago no need for buy this and that such things for computer, only the accessories, I found difficulty when MO's got separated and no more automatically inside it...

such a HOMEWORK for me ergh, okay I feel much better now, thanks to my cousin, he helps me a lot

What's wrong with you?

I can't understand my laptop, whenever I bring it to the office so I could spend time when I'm free but problem just happened, it can't connect to the internet, the wifi doesn't work, or maybe because it is still Windows Home?

I haven't upgraded it yet to the Pro, ergh but still this time I just need Microsoft Office for my college things and its should be online, DANG!!

Fatal, yeah and its make me bad day early in the morning, it was fine at home until I bring it here....

I have target too, and I hate it when things doesn't work well....

Gosh!!

The meeting

Terkadang ketika minta dipertemukan dengan seseorang untuk sekali itu saja, namun dipertemukan dengan yang lain

Mungkin ekspektasi awal berfikir, oh mungkin Allah tidak mengabulkan...

Namun ternyata ekspektasi kedua muncul, ah bukan itu, Allah tak ingin sekali itu saja untuk berdoa, malah sebaliknya, Allah sangat senang ketika doa yang sama untuk diucapkan berkali kali sampai dijawab pada waktunya...

comfort zone

comfort zone...

for some people might stay if they found already their comfort zone, but for some other who wants find more challenging in life will wont stay...

Indeed I found mine already, but doesnt mean I dont want more, I do will looking for more so I changing the words from "out from your comfort zone" to "expand my comfort zone"

sounds different?yeaaaa comfort zone itself for me doesnt have only one meaning, it depends on how we set our mind to be more flexible, well I heard people said "the key is in our mind itself"

so that's why we often found the people who got locked by themself, just because they don't want to try to open their mind, going afraid to try to take the next step, the new one....

in this country where I stay, SA, I dont find myself being locked as how they say, I feel free, indeed we have to wear abaya, but doesnt mean we're not free, being free is depends on how we set our mind..

I love this country and may Allah always protect my own country and SA...aameen

and now I fall in love with abaya, it has so much benefit from it, and one of it for me, I can prepare myself whenever I wanna go outside just simply wear abaya without people knowing I wear pajama inside, lol

and the most thing I love for wearing abaya is I can simply use it for pray

many friends asked me why I didn't go back to my country, simply I just love where I stay, and I wanna expand my comfort zone with my own way...

have a nice day, 

I love August