"Kenapa sih orang peduli amat ama kehidupan orang lain, padahal dia hanya sekedar ingin tau, selebihnya mah bodo amat, paling jadi bahan omongan ke orang yang lain"
"Ko dia kepikiran hal hal yang aku aja ga pernah mikirin tentang orang itu, klopun pengen tau, ya dalam hati aja walau pada akhirnya orang itu cerita sendiri"
"Engga pernah mau tau kehidupan dia gimana, pakaiannya merk apa, tasnya apa, ga peduli, selama dia baik ke aku, then it's fine"
Kalimat kalimat di atas adalah kalimat yang seringkali bermain putar putaran di kepalaku, aku hanya tak habis pikir kenapa orang peduli amat ama kehidupan orang lain, ya mending klo dibantu, lah klo jadi bahan omongan ke orang lain?
Sekarang ada mental baru yang mungkin harus aku persiapkan, walau jujur aku sangat tak nyaman dengan yang satu ini, tapi mau dikata apa...
Aku pun tak suka "who to blame"
Selalu terngiang "kita adalah hamba Allah yang mencari irisan irisan takdirNya, yang bahaya adalah mendiktekan Tuhan"-AMA
Artinya memang semua udah kemaktub, klo kata Kakak sih "Mamam tu maktub"
Saking seringnya kalimat tersebut kuucapkan, walau jujur kalimat itu membuatku lega kala menghadapi hati yang sulit diajak negosiasi dengan otak
Tapi dasar tipikal bosenan, klo besok udah kebal sama kalimat ini, mau ga mau harus nyari lagi kalimat motivasi lainnya biar si hati ini bisa nerima lagi...
Ya Allah the hardest things in life is dealing with myself...
Ada yang bilang "kita hanya punya dua tangan untuk menutup telinga kita dari omongan orang lain" terus keep going on deh
Tapi klo deal dengan diri sendiri...
Hmmm mikir dulu dan dijamin ga cukup seharian...
Terlebih klo belum juga nemu kalimat motivasi lain biar hati ini nerima
R ask me to marry him, thanks Allah I'm soooo happyy ❤️
Hmm actually he wants me to stay at home, but I need to find my new activity, and I hope I don't have time to think about people's opinion, I don't like to think about what people might say about each other
sempat terpikir bagaimana ujian hidup yang melanda setiap orang
namun aku sadar, bahwa ternyata setiap ujian yang melanda hambaNya adalah kepada batin, dari batin itu kemudian akan berarah kepada pikiran...
kemudian dari pikiran itu akan berlanjut mempengaruhi kegiatan hari-hari, ada yang terlihat ada pula yang tidak
dan bagaimana pada setiap hambaNya menjalani dan menghadapi permasalahan tersebut masing-masing...
ah ternyata tak mudah, kupikir kuliah secara online akan meningkatkan kesibukan dan keseruan di dalamnya
tapi ternyata masih kalah dengan kuliah tatap muka langsung dengan dosen, lebih seru terasa saat bertemu teman-teman sesama...
semangatnya pun jelas berbeda, berbeza :P
tapi tak avha, semua akan berlalu, niatnya menuntut ilmu, inshaa Allah hasilnya pun akan memuaskan dan sangat baik pula (uhuw hopefully, aamiin ya Allah)
hmm kuperhatikan, mengapa momentnya bisa pas ya, kerjaan memang ada waktu senggang, dan saat itulah kupakai untuk mengerjakan tugas-tugas yang dilakukan secara online, baru minggu pertama udah bisa diselesaikan udah seneng bangeet, beda sama semester tahun lalu, belum tahu apa-apa, dan in the end alias ujug-ujug UAS!!!
belajar jadi rada kelabakan, tapi sekarang berkat teman-teman sesama juga yang ada disini dan jaringan komunikasi yang lebih mudah, teknologi sekarang jauh berbeda sekali dengan jaman sekolah dulu, boro-boro grup WA, yang ada juga telepon sana sini dan memanfaatkan waktu yang ada saat jumpa.
ngerasanya jadi minggu ini produktif kan hehehe
seeing this picture gives me motivation that holiday are near!!!
entah aku ingin menangisi perilaku manusia yang tidak adil terhadapku, tapi kupikir panjang untuk apa, toh akhirnya kita akan bersama-sama dihisab mengenai amalan yang sudah kita kerjakan, segala perilaku yang dilakukan pasti ada balasannya, dan aku meyakini bahwa segala sesuatunya sudah diatur, jika sudah meyakini demikian adany, lalu untuk apa kita khawatir mengenai masa depan yang sudah ada di dalam genggagamanNya?
Bahwasanny semua akan baik-baik saja?
Kolegaku mengatakan bahwa keragu-raguan asalnya dari setan. Maka obat agar si hati tenang dan tidak banyak nanya dan ngoceh adalah dengan membaca Al Quran....
"How can I help you when you didn't put any trust toward me?"
And about ups and downs
Sometimes I feel bored to think positively, but fortunately Allah won't let His hand of me, whenever I tried to think negatively I feel like Allah knock the door of my heart, then I be like, okay there's no way for me to do that....
yang namanya perjalanan hidup, siapa yang pernah menyangka
siapa pula yang akan tahu
tentang masa depan
sebagian hanya menebak
entah unsur darimana
apakah akan menjadi nyata
ataukah sekadar celoteh
3 tahun sudah berlalu
masih di tempat yang sama
hanya pertemuan yang berbeda
hingga hari ini masih tak dapat memahami
yang hampir setahun ini
hikmah dan hikmah
kata demi kata
yang kian menjadi pertanyaan besar
tertoreh di hati ini
tak dapat kumengerti
hingga saat ini bagaikan kertas yang menempel di dinding
bukan lagi selotip
bagaikan lem tembak di dinding begitu kuat
tak ada yang dapat menentukan kapan kertas pertanyaan yang ada sebuah nama disana akan dilepas
hingga saat ini pun masih terngiang
"do you know Mr. S?"
her sound just like an echo in my ears
"how could I dont know?"
I was shocked, I just wrote in my notes, and I've counted how many times I've met him
and I left one, number 7th
I always telling myself "God will let me know when he's here"
it's a miracle, she never told me, I always be the one who asked her "who's coming?"
but as if Allah moves her heart to tell me
"why you telling me?when I'm the one who always asked you?"
"because you always excited when there's a guest coming"
"but after this all, this is the 1st time you telling me and it's a right person that I've been waiting for"
actually, the matters is between me and Allah
all this time I've been asking Allah
"what do you want?"
"what's hikmah/positivity behind this all?/"
"if it's positive thing and I can learn from this, why it's hurting me?"
"I feel like I'm a victim here"
"I know I'll pass this all with ease"
"in the end everything's gonna be okay"
"I've been following my heart and hope I'll let it flow, but why it's still hurt?"
the day I met him is right where I put all myself to Allah
what's wrong with this?
I need the strongest mentally to put in myself and go through all this
I can't be patience to go to the next step
where I hope there'll be so much more happiness, success
the day where I can totally forget about him
why I can't give my feeling towards someone near me that already loves me?
just because of an approval from my parents?
last year of 2015, you give me pain until now
how long will I endure this?
I'm sorry Allah, I can't be patience...
I know the answer without asking
in the end, my world is all about You (Allah) and me
and so does others
thanks to God I have someone to ask to about my laptop problem, it turns out about update, I just dont want to checking too much detail since I bought, I just know that we have to buy the original one and it will take risk if we use the crack
ah it's really different, ten years ago no need for buy this and that such things for computer, only the accessories, I found difficulty when MO's got separated and no more automatically inside it...
such a HOMEWORK for me ergh, okay I feel much better now, thanks to my cousin, he helps me a lot
I can't understand my laptop, whenever I bring it to the office so I could spend time when I'm free but problem just happened, it can't connect to the internet, the wifi doesn't work, or maybe because it is still Windows Home?
I haven't upgraded it yet to the Pro, ergh but still this time I just need Microsoft Office for my college things and its should be online, DANG!!
Fatal, yeah and its make me bad day early in the morning, it was fine at home until I bring it here....
I have target too, and I hate it when things doesn't work well....
Terkadang ketika minta dipertemukan dengan seseorang untuk sekali itu saja, namun dipertemukan dengan yang lain
Mungkin ekspektasi awal berfikir, oh mungkin Allah tidak mengabulkan...
Namun ternyata ekspektasi kedua muncul, ah bukan itu, Allah tak ingin sekali itu saja untuk berdoa, malah sebaliknya, Allah sangat senang ketika doa yang sama untuk diucapkan berkali kali sampai dijawab pada waktunya...
for some people might stay if they found already their comfort zone, but for some other who wants find more challenging in life will wont stay...
Indeed I found mine already, but doesnt mean I dont want more, I do will looking for more so I changing the words from "out from your comfort zone" to "expand my comfort zone"
sounds different?yeaaaa comfort zone itself for me doesnt have only one meaning, it depends on how we set our mind to be more flexible, well I heard people said "the key is in our mind itself"
so that's why we often found the people who got locked by themself, just because they don't want to try to open their mind, going afraid to try to take the next step, the new one....
in this country where I stay, SA, I dont find myself being locked as how they say, I feel free, indeed we have to wear abaya, but doesnt mean we're not free, being free is depends on how we set our mind..
I love this country and may Allah always protect my own country and SA...aameen
and now I fall in love with abaya, it has so much benefit from it, and one of it for me, I can prepare myself whenever I wanna go outside just simply wear abaya without people knowing I wear pajama inside, lol
and the most thing I love for wearing abaya is I can simply use it for pray
many friends asked me why I didn't go back to my country, simply I just love where I stay, and I wanna expand my comfort zone with my own way...
it's not much but I love to gives them water once in 2 days
the left, at first was only 1 leaf, I was sad seeing it alone, but it last for months! since December I took care of it, I was worried when it started to yellow! then I tried to give it friends of Salak's fruit seed, then the magical things happen, the sprout comes out and keeps growing until the 1st leaf died, but grateful seeing them growing happily, I feel loved and it's great showing what we feel towards plants
and now, I'm trying planting the dates seeds! whoa hopefully they'll grow happily
This year I learned a lot, specially about how to be thankful, and more than that Allah show me how to feel pain, ah this one I dont want to actually, if I have to choose between decline and accept, I'd like to choose the first one!
Been tried to telling myself that was part of life, if I never been there then how did I know what it feels like to be in pain...
if it's not okay then it's not the end....
Allah, I know you give me lemon right now, so can I ask for mint?or soda?so they both can give some freshness in my life, tee hee
These 3 years I've found myself for liking things I've never liked before, such as caramel, dates, chocolate, strawberry
For some moments I really into them, as if God wants to show me that's the life rules, basically the earth shaped shows us, life is round, sometimes up and down, today we may dislike something, and turned into like too much.
Nah there are more, political and business, I dont know why they are both gives high impact to the countries, but personally they're sounds not peaceful 😂😂😂
Lots of conflict there...ah or maybe one day I'll put my interest there?
Ya Allah, hari terakhir Ramadhan rasanya beraat banget...
Entah masih ada rasa kurang puas dan kurang maksimal menjalani puasa Ramadhan dalam sebulan ini...
Semoga Allah mempertemukan kita kembali dengan Ramadhan tahun depan, allahumma aamiin...
Selama 24 tahun, baru sekali merayakan Idul Fitri di Indonesia, Cibinong, Bogor.
Itupun terasa sepi sekali, karena jauh dari keluarga, hanya berdua dengan Kakak nomer 2, selepas sholat Ied kembali ke rumah sembari rebahan...
Kalaupun di Riyadh setiap tahun ya gitu gitu saja, sholat Ied di KBRI, salam salaman, menikmati sajian Idul Fitri di wisma Dubes, kemudian menyajikan kateringan buat para pengunjung WNI yang ke KBRI, siang hari pulang ke rumah istirahat, besoknya agenda baru lagi, yang pastinya tidak ada tarawih...
Kemudian seminggu setelahnya kembali dengan rutinitas sebagaimana sebelum Ramadhan, dan yang perempuan membayar hutang puasa karena haid, sesuai dengan hari masing masing
Tidak banyak yang spesial, kemudian selama 3 hari berturut turut pada jam 10:00 pm ada kembang api di beberapa titik di kota Riyadh, keunikan di Saudi Arabia adalah mereka menyalakan kembang api hanya saat merayakan Idul Fitri saja, selebihnya tidak ada, bahkan New Year pun tidak ada...
Karena yang terpenting dan spesial adalah kala merayakan Idul Fitri bersama keluarga, terutama orangtua dan saudara...
I cant accept it if someone told me that God gives us full of freedom of life
means that we can do anything beyond all, we are free, but still we have to take responsibility later in afterlife of what we've done
wanna cry all day, until out of energy
I know I dont have any right to feel this
I'm reaching the max...
I know I'm free to take a choice for every choices
I still wanna believe that everything is under control of God...
so there's no way, there's no chance for me to think negatively...
I need proves that God is the best and only one the best of all the best planner...
I admit that when I was in Junior High School, I want to be in Senior High School, aand so on, wondering what will I be in the next 10 years at that moment, life is just like a flash, now I am here, right at 10 years ago where I was wondering back then
One thing that I miss and I learned from that, sometimes I wanna reach the future eagerly, then forgot how to enjoy the moment that should be...
So I dont want that to be happen twice, now everythings that I have now, what I'm going through good and bad, I wanna enjoy it as much as possible, if I wanna go to holiday and watching KDrama, sleeping 8 hours, enjoying the holiday, I'll try to be patience and believe that day will come, as now I wanna enjoy the weekend but still in weekdays, so I havw to enjoy them while waiting that weekend will come!!
Indeed life is up and down, whatever it takes I always ended up back to think about Allah
When I have to face the negative things in life, I have no other choice than to think positively, what's behind this all, then I give back to Allah
Ah I forgot that I'm the one who asked Allah that anything matters may Allah wont give me any way to think negative or suudzon to Him
Now Allah granted my wish...All praises to Allah
I opened back my old diary, and read them, I've found out I started to looking about Allah since 2nd elementary school, whoa now I'm thankful to Allah that He sends me to these angels and I called them Mom and Dad ❤️
never stop learning, they said "experience are the best teacher"
When I was in school, I kept asked myself, why the problems keep coming, such an neverending story, one come and once its done then another one's coming, until I realized that what it called the colourful of life
Personally the sad truth when they said "people come to make you learn to get the message"
I'm sure that every people in this world ever had to choose in between 2 or 3 things or even more
So do I, never thought that everything's come without God's permission, and also reason behind it all
Everything I asked to Allah, its all need patience for the right time, never too late nor too soon
But, when Allah answer every single prayer, don't you feel afraid you might forget and disobey for what He asked you to do, because too much enjoying for everything you have... And become negligent Oh nauzubillah
Go get yourself together, or you might got it bcause you deserve to get them all
It's good when we're about to improve ourselves through gain knowledge, get a job, find a new experience in life, take a journey through travelling, etc
I read some comment about life, they said we did that so to make ourselves busy, just to fill our free time before salah/prayer time
In my opinion, that in the end life is all about us and God, I shared to my cousin, then she said "God didnt control our life, it's a good deed that Allah give, of course Allah controlled our earnings, fortune etc but not what we're gonna do. In the end, if Allah controls that, He may asked Himself, so what we do is our responsibility, and Allah will ask for what have we done in this world"
Now, I asked myself why I did something to fill my free time with taking a course of Arabic n English language, continuing to college here, and also got a job, well I love new experiences, and I hate when I got to say "nothin to do" it may bring back the memories back then, it's good when it's about good things that I've done, but if it's something embarrassing things I'll be like OMG help me to forget bout this things by make me really happy till I forgot bout it all!!!
Just like in the end of the last year....
I dont want to remember, it's just make me sad, down, depressed, I even think that I dislike myself...
I even think why I have this way, and what's the good things behind this all, I hate if in the end I'll be like blame this to God, oh Nauzubillah....
I seek for forgiveness God!
Phew I think it's been long time I didn't tell the stories, I just feel relieved if I write here, OMG the problem that I don't like reading, I prefer scanning, scamming than reading by details...ergh I know we gotta get a lot of new information, but of course I like reading newspapers, I mean here a book, such a ...well you know what I mean...
I tried to skip my dinner due my diet hahaha let's not say for it, bcause "diet for tomorrow"
So I looked for snack, drink inside the refrigerator, ended up just found one pudding with nata de coco, then I feel hungry, not only me, even my father n older brother
Then we went to bagalah bought some snacks and bread for breakfast, n while driving and almost reached the traffic light my father decided to pass the McD, and out of plan we got stopped by one of the staff there, he gave us 3 vouchers then told us to go thrpugh the drive thru to take the burgers, OMG for free!!!Alhamdulillah
It was a good day, I think this is my first time, things happen right after I wrote my list to do, such as getting courses of arabic and english (glad and praises to Allah i got both of them) and korean, japanese (not yet)
And also continuing to college to UT, actually I wanna join the toastmasters dunno why find it hard to go and searches for the place. so decided not to take it
For me, took courses I've got two things, gaining acknowledge, and new friends!
Indeed social really needed in human being, for me, i might feel bored if i only placed in one surrounding, there there you again and you again specially when i cant improve myself to be better, such a bored person haha
more closer to June which is mean month of Ramadhan aaa can't wait
this month is special because one of my bestfriend gonna get married!ah so happy but unfortunately I cant come, huhu why you gotta so far!or is me who cant attend the special wedding for my bestfriend?OMG I'm sorry I cant be there on your happiest day, but I pray for your happiness n the best, aamiin
I wanna talk about Dhuha prayer, it's good and it works really for earning, sustance, ah everything works well and I feel baraka through the days, alhamdulillah, all praised to Allah
Makin pasrah sama Allah itu menyenangkan, apalagi tiap ketemu hal2 negatif di sekitar yang bisa memunculkan kekhawatiran, dan kalimat andalan yang bisa dibilang anti-worried, dimana tiap mengucap kata itu di dalam hati langsung lega, rasa khawatir itu seakan ditendang keluar "get out" adalah "ah ada Allah ini" atau "ah ga ada yang kebetulan ini"
Terlebih doa doa kecil yang langsung dikabulkan, ketika bisa mensyukuri dan merasa sangat berarti semisal dari hal makanan, mungkin bagi kita biasa aja, but who knows di mata Allah, hambaKu dikasih rejeki segitu mampu bersyukur, bagaimana jika Kuberi lebih?
So all good things are worth waiting for, memang berdasarkan pengalaman pribadi when it turns about the bigger thing that I asked, it must be longer for waiting, at the end it just the matters of time...
I do really curious what will happen next, maybe if I asked "ya Allah, what's your next plan for me?I may dont know yet because tomorrow's mystery, but if I can ask, may You make my life better than today" I believe at the same time Allah's smiling at me and say "You will be happy if You know what I've prepared for you"
Maybe I cried today, or maybe I nagged and can't accept the truth, but I believe one day I'll laugh to my past
One thing that make me tired is I have to deal between the logic and the heart that what it wants, the ego, the logic says "Cmon Tika, you just have to accept the truth!" The two different things called "you've think too much"